THE CHRISTIAN FAITH FROM A COUNSELOR’S PERSPECTIVE

Following is a speech Dr. Mark Graham gave at a church in Pontchatoula in September of 2008 entitled, "Why I Am a Christian Counselor."

I am a Christian counselor: In that order of priority. All Christians, if they are true Christians, are that [that is, Christian] above all else. They do the best they can to make the living out of the Christian life the top priority of their lives. And of course, we all fall short in that endeavor. And it’s important to admit that we do, and not feel like we have to pretend otherwise. That would be hypocrisy, and I think it’s fair to say we have all, at one time or another, been hypocritical: that is, pretended to be a little farther along in the sanctification process that we actually are. It’s just another of those multitude of sins that God forgives us for, in Christ.

So, if I may, I’d like to talk a little about the Christian faith, as it has come into the particular focus of one who has worked for over 20 years as a counselor. In this setting, as you know, I am blessed with access to the inner, usually secret life of individuals, couples and families. And I cannot express what a tremendous blessing that has been for me. The human mind, heart and psyche is an amazing territory, full of adventure, surprises, treachery, deception and heroism. Thru the eyes of the Holy Spirit, we can see the currents of goodness and evil intertwining like the threads of DNA within all of us. And at this stage of my life I have never been more convinced that Christ is the master synchronizer, healer, unraveller, reconciler, arbitrator, prioritizer, and syncretizer of all human endeavor. Which is simply another way of saying that He is the Messiah. And a personal relationship with Him, along with true koinonia [fellowship with others who follow Him in spirit and truth] is the surest pathway to psycho-spiritual health and maturity.

The core and foundation [the life-blood, if you will] of the Christian life is love: for God and man. When the scribe asked Jesus "What is the first and greatest commandment?" he was essentially asking Him "What is the most important thing in the world for humans to be mindful of?" [How did Jesus answer?] And Jesus answered that we should know, and always be mindful that there is only ONE GOD. And that we are to love Him with our whole being. And that we are to love each other as we love ourselves: unselfishly, as our brothers and sisters; as the children of the God before Whom we will stand in judgement. [Mar 12:28f]. Anything that blocks this process of faith in the One God and love for Him and love for others, cripples the human personality, and is the symptom to be addressed in Christian counseling. Jn 7:38 records Jesus saying, "He who believes in me, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water." Pathology is anything that blocks or hinders the flow of that living water that flows from God, thru the personalities of those who have received Christ, into the world of human relations. A wonderful question to ask ourselves periodically is "How am I doing at loving my people? What is making it hard for me to love the people that God places in my pathway?" The answer will always be something from your [or their] sinful nature. And since you are not responsible for their sinful nature, God would have you focus on your own. That’s what Jesus was indicating when he gave us the "Beam and Speck" principle. [Mt.7][elaborate]. This is one of the most violated principles in all Christendom. I love this cliché: When you have a critical finger pointed at someone, you have three pointed back at yourself. Criticism and love, like oil and water, don’t exist in the same place at the same time. When you are critical, you are not loving; and that means you are failing to obey the "first and greatest command" of our Lord.

Now we have to differentiate between being critical and being confrontational. Christians have to be confrontational, as Jesus with the Pharisees, and with His disciples at times. But remember, the same Pharisees that He labeled "whited tombstones" who looked good on the outside, but were full of dead bones on the inside, were the ones he prayed forgiveness for on the Cross. Jesus had compassion for these cruel, hypocritical, conniving souls who did not know what they were doing. And we must also. Love must be the driving force underneath any confrontation. Not hatred, frustration, revenge, or simply the desire to see someone hurt. And we confront from the standpoint of humility, because, unlike Jesus, we have not only been the victims of evil, we have also been the perpetrators of it. He could end His prayer with "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." We have to continue with "And forgive me too, for I have not been knowing much about what I do either."

So counseling is a process of keeping the river of living water flowing freely thru a personality. Anxiety [in its myriad of manifestations], depression, weaknesses of character, selfishness, self-centeredness, greed, lust, laziness: all these block or retard the flow of God’s love thru one’s personality.

[Interestingly, low intelligence does not. Some of God’s most compassionate and wise saints couldn’t tell you who the next to last president of the U.S. was. And there are some demons from hell whose IQ is off the charts. This points out one of the major flaws in Amer. culture: In the education of our children, we have focused almost exclusively on intelligence. We want our kids to be smart more than we want them to be good. The Bible says, "Add to faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, then self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love." [2Pet. 1]. There is a progression here—an important one. Kids need first faith, then virtue [goodness, politeness, respect, kindness, generosity—the social graces] then knowledge. Knowledge without faith and virtue is useless at best, dangerous at worst. Please teach your children and grandchildren that goodness is superior to intelligence. God will never judge anyone based on his/her intelligence.]

What I’m presenting here is a paradigm in which counseling is focused sanctification; and as such, it is a work enlightened and empowered by the Holy Spirit. That is why, in the counseling process, I always ask permission to precede with a devotional reading [usually from my book] and a prayer. In the prayer I acknowledge that without God as the "Master Builder", we labor in vain, no matter what we strive to build. If we do not abide in the Vine [Christ] our lives will bear no fruit. And what is impossible with man, is possible with God. I acknowledge that, We can do all things thru Christ Who strengthens us; and that all things are possible with God. I remind myself and my counselee/s that Jesus has promised to be present with any two or more who are gathered in His name; and that we are gathered in His name. His Holy Spirit is our light, leader, and the real Counselor. This is the only source of confidence for me as a counselor—that Jesus is present, and that He loves everyone in the room, and desires the very best for them. It never ceases to amaze me the good that can come when believers open their hearts to Christ’s presence in the here-and-now moment. His perfect Spirit and perfect Love and perfect Wisdom manifest thru imperfect people who are willing to trust and abide in Him. I rely on His Spirit to discern the evil and the good as it becomes manifest in the counseling process. And it seems to me that we are always only partially willing to hear, understand and repent. I see in myself and others that spiritual growth is usually very slow. I am thankful that God is patient with us. And I think it’s important that we be patient with ourselves, while being careful not to be lazy or indifferent. We must receive God’s Grace and mercy—we desperately need it. But we must be careful not to presume upon it. In the Christian life, diligence and peace are perfectly married together. We are slow; but we never stop. We never give up. And there is wisdom in that fairy tale in which the persistent turtle won the race with the inconsistent rabbit.

There are some principles of our faith that repeatedly emerge in my mind in the counseling process. I have alluded to the most significant one: The Love of Christ in our hearts going out to all people. Even our enemies, those who curse, hate, or despitefully use us [Mt5:44]. This is the supreme teaching of Christ, from my humble perspective. It is tremendously liberating. This teaching makes it clear that Jesus does not want us to be determined by the sinful natures of those with whom we relate. This is a very difficult principle to live. It is difficult because we tend to resonate with those around us. For example, if my wife, Lynn, treats me disrespectfully, it is very difficult for me to respond in the Spirit. Her sinful nature [or what I perceive to be her sinful nature] tends to evoke my sinful nature. If she’s in a bad mood, it’s hard for me to be in a good one. I tend to be determined inwardly by her sinful nature manifestations, and she by mine. Her sinful nature evokes a sinful nature response from me. Jesus says I must overcome this tendency. God must be my God; not the current mood or any character weakness of anyone around me. There is a very powerful tendency for us to be determined by each other. But whatever determines me is my god! And if I am allowing myself to be determined by the sinful nature manifestation of any human, then I am violating God’s first commandment—to have no other god before Him. The Bible teaches us to not return evil for evil, and to not be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with GOOD. This is counter-intuitive. Our natural tendency is to hit back when we are hit; return hatred for hatred; contempt for contempt; cold shoulder for cold shoulder. But as long as we continue in that way, we continue to be the victims of the sinful natures of those around us. Satan is the puppeteer, we are the puppets, and the evil behaviors of those around us are the strings. Only when we can return goodness for evil are we really free. And Jesus wants us free; just as surely as God wanted Israel free from the bondage of Pharaoh.

Another marvelous principle from the teachings of our Lord is the [also already alluded to] Beam and Speck Principle. This combined with the story of the woman caught in adultery, about to be stoned, teach us that God wants us to be introspective and non-defensive. In order to "get the beam out of my own eye" I have to look within my eye—to look within myself and be willing to see the evil that needs to be removed. In order for any of the hate-filled men with stones to know whether he had no sin [so that he could cast the first stone] he had to be willing to look within himself, and to admit the truth about himself [which all apparently did, none finding that he was entitled to cast a stone]. The truth does not need to be defended; it only needs to be acknowledged and courageously lived. Jesus did not defend Himself because He was Truth incarnate. We who abide in Him also have nothing to defend about ourselves. We are sinners! We are only free when we can acknowledge that fact, and do the best we can to repent and receive forgiveness in Christ. We are still in bondage when we are defensive. We defend ourselves in fear: fear of being misjudged, or fear of being found out. The first fear is useless, and the second is evil. God does not expect His children to be perfect; but He does expect us to be honest, sincere, and responsible. He is angered by denial and defensiveness. Those are the ways of the Pharisees.

A final wonderful truth that Jesus has so graciously bestowed upon us is:

"In the world you will have tribulation. Nevertheless, be of good cheer. I have overcome the world." [Jn16:33]. Christians should never be shocked or dismayed when tribulation comes. Jesus has assured us that it will. Life never gets easy. Satan never stops. Accidents happen. Sickness comes to each of us and all our loved ones. Things don’t happen the way we planned. People don’t do what they are supposed to. Life savings are lost. Homes are destroyed by natural disasters. Drunk drivers kill innocent children. Doctors make mistakes and people die unnecessarily. Eventually, we all die a quick or lingering death. Our hope and faith must never be founded upon this world, which is passing away. There will never be solid security in this world. Jesus wants us to know this, and accept it.

But the God Who has given us life and caused us to value it so tremendously; and Who knows that we can look ahead and see its earthly end, has also given us victory over fear when He raised Jesus from the dead, confirming to all believers that [as Jesus said to the Sadducees] God is not the God of the dead, but the living. The world that Jesus has overcome includes all the tribulations of life, and death itself, which is our final victory.

Our only security is Christ Himself, Who stated that He is in us, and we in Him, and He in the Father. We abide eternally in He Who has overcome the world of all tribulation and death. He does not deliver us from tribulation; He delivers us through it.

So, if your grandchildren ask you "What is counseling?" You might answer, "Well, when it’s done right, it’s a way to help people be more of what God created them to be: joyful, loving and free, servants of God and man."

I want to end with a word of encouragement. One of the personologists says that we are in the stage of life characterized by GENERATIVITY vs. STAGNATION. And INTEGRITY vs. DESPAIR.. It’s a time to face our failures squarely, without morbid guilt or remorse; but in the sure grace of God’s forgiveness in Christ. It’s a time to help our children, grandchildren, and the upcoming generation in their maturity, without becoming judgmental of them for their lack of wisdom; being patient and graceful toward them; speaking the truth they need to hear, and speaking it in LOVE. It is a time when we can set our own pace, somewhat, and choose to use our best gifts in well-focused service. It is a time when we mellow and ripen in all the gifts of the spirit. [And fruit is always sweetest, and tastes best at its most ripened stage.]

It is a time of integration: a time of allowing the cream of may years of life experience to rise to the top, to be scraped off and used by the next generation. It is a time to think deeply and clearly about how to be as bright a light as possible for those coming behind us. It is a time of acceptance: of the inevitable loss of certain physical abilities and mental acuity; of the imperfections of the world that will not be ended before our life is ended; of death itself. But this acceptance does not mean loss of hope or spiritual vitality, either for ourselves or for the coming generation. No matter how dark things may seem, we have been promised victory, and a hope that will not be cut off. We must not despair for the coming generation. Rather we must prepare them by pointing them, as clearly and directly as we can, at Christ. Our lives should become, now more than ever, a giant finger pointing at Christ. This stage of our lives, freed from many of the responsibilities of those earlier stages, may indeed offer us the greatest opportunity to be the best that we have been for the kingdom of God. By His grace, may it be so.

Dr. Mark Graham

September, 2008